Gobble Gobble! That’s right, humans. We, the turkeys of the world, have had enough! It’s November, and while you may be buzzing with excitement for Thanksgiving, we’re shaking in our tail feathers. Here’s a brief history of how we ended up in this unfortunate holiday spotlight – and a humble plea for your mercy this November.

The Turkey’s Tale – A Feathery History

Once upon a time, turkeys roamed North America peacefully, gobbling through forests and fields, blissfully unaware of the trials that awaited us. Fast forward to 1621, when Pilgrims and Native Americans gathered for a grand feast in Plymouth, Massachusetts. While historians aren’t quite sure if turkeys were even on the menu that day, somehow, we ended up being the mascot of Thanksgiving!

And thus began our descent into history as the “star” of Thanksgiving. Through the years, turkeys (that’s us) became synonymous with family gatherings, roasted dinners, and regrettably, leftovers. We’ve gone from living creatures with dreams of exploring forests to… well, main courses.

A Turkey’s Top Concerns for Thanksgiving

Now, we’d like to address a few points that really ruffle our feathers each November:

1. The Whole ‘Pardon’ Thing

Every year, the President of the United States pardons one lucky turkey. One! Do the rest of us look like we’ve got our feathers crossed, hoping to hit the jackpot?

2. Family Reunions? More Like Family Feasts!

Thanksgiving’s supposed to be about family, right? A time to gather, love, and enjoy each other’s company. But our family gatherings look more like… well, disappearing acts. And the family dog? Let’s just say he looks at us differently this time of year.

3. The Leftover Situation

Every turkey fears the phrase “turkey sandwich.” It’s like we’re forced to live multiple lives… first, as a centerpiece at dinner, then as a cold sandwich, and finally as some kind of soup. Seriously, can we rest in peace?

A Few Alternatives to Eating Turkey – From Us to You

So this year, we’re offering some alternatives. How about a nice vegetarian stuffing? Or a “Tofurkey” – we hear it’s all the rage among the plant-based crowd. And there are plenty of options like roasted vegetables, cranberry sauce, and pies galore! Plus, we promise no feathers in your pie crusts.

A Final Gobble of Thanks

In all seriousness (if turkeys can ever be taken seriously), we’re thankful for the time and attention that’s put into family traditions each Thanksgiving. So, while we plead for a year of tofu-based holiday dinners, we wish all of you a warm, laughter-filled Thanksgiving. May it be a season of gratitude, family, and love – preferably without us on the dinner table.

Signed,

Tom & Friends – The Turkeys Against Thanksgiving Committee 🦃